ROFL Things: The Misadventures of Little Boy Jimmy

If y'all didn't know yet I am a Computer Science student specializing in Instructional Systems Technology which means we fuse Computer Science and Education to create educational softwares.

For this term we are supposed to make a courseware which is an educational CD meant for self-study. Our group is making a courseware for children on "Community Helpers".

Anyways this all leads to what happened just this afternoon. I asked mR.m to make me some poems for my courseware. He agreed on making me one for the "fireman". And here's what the retard came up with.

I never really expected him to take this seriously, but shit this is really hilarious especially the part where his sister was "bbqed cause her room was barred"

So we thought it was a pretty cool idea, so he went on and made another one, this time about "not doing drugs"

So yeah he was on a roll, so he decided to do another one on "safe sex"

All things come to an end but who knows next week we might cook up some crazy shit again. I wasnt able to make mine because I was making serious ones for my project.

Plasticbagman's Guide to Cramming

C'mon lets face it most of us end up cramming our projects. Doing a month's load in a span of days. It is most advisable that you DO NOT CRAM! But as I have said above a lot of people still do. Now how to cram effectively? here is where I come in. This article will teach you how to maximize time and cram well.

Knowing The Task

First of all you have to know the task at hand. You need to to know the task in order to cram successfully. DO NOT be optimistic, if you are then I DO NOT ADVISE that you take depressants. You

need to know TWO THINGS about the task.

Know its Degree of Difficulty, the DoD. How do you know the degree of difficulty? The factors influencing the DoD can be summed up in an Acronym, CAK

C - Circumstances
A - Amount
K - Knowledge

Circumstances deal with the situations that govern your availability to work. Is your PC broken? Can you not work at this day? It also deals with a lot situations in general, Were you grouped with unreliable groupmates? Were you grouped with reliable groupmates? Is your PC broken? Can you not
work at this day?

Amount deals with the Amount of work you have to do to accomplish the task. How many projects do you have to do? How many projects you DON'T have to do?

Knowledge talks about how much do you actually know about the subject matter of the task. Are you an expert in this field? Can you do this even with your eyes closed? Do you have problems understanding what to do?

Know the DoD, KNOW THE CAK. The CAK will guide you and will help you. If it gets too tight use the CAK to loosen the pressure. Master the CAK and it will shoot glory your way! If you SUCK at the CAK then it will mean doom for you. So dont fuck the CAK, KNOW IT and MASTER IT.

Know its Value and Importance, the VaI. Is this something you need to perfect just to pass the subject? Is this a requirement to pass the subject? Would it be so destructive if you did not pass it? There are a lot of factors that can dictate the VaI.

Maximizing Time

The key to a successful cramjob is maximizing time! But since the DoD of the task varies I can not simply give you a schedule and follow it. Let us assume that your DoD is extreme and need all the time in the world, If you could sell your little brother for some time you'd do it. That kind of extreme. Maximizing Time is easy just follow this chart



The time when you are AVAILABLE FOR WORK is represented by the variable "Available Time" and the time for cramming is represented by the variable "Time for Cramming". The red line in the graph shows only one thing. It simply says that the more Available Time you have the more time you have for cramming. The big question here is "When are YOU available?"

Choosing When to Cram

To answer to the big question above, it depends. The answer all boils down to the VaI of the task. The higher the DoD of the task the more time your gonna need right? Also if this task is really really important you could choose to sacrifice more things than a task that is not so important. If you know the VaI choosing When to Cram should be easy for you.

If you know the VaI you would know if skipping dinner is worth it. If skipping those textathons and telethons with your girlfriend is worth it. If skipping class is worth it. If SKIPPING skipping class is worth it. If you know this, then you know when to cram!

Actual Cramming

Now that we know the task as well as when to cram. Its time to do the actual cramming. Cramming is pretty much like doing any other task. We each have our own style of making projects or writing a paper. Only this time you do it at a more FASTER PACE. You need time and you are making up for all the time where you SHOULD'VE made the task. There are a lot of things to consider other than working nonstop at topspeed. You should consider your HEALTH too.

Sleeping during Cramming

Sleeping takes most of our day, so its pretty obvious why we sacrifice that to get more cramming time. But there's a reason on why we sleep for so long. Think of it as recharging our batteries, and apparently were no energizer.

People need 8 hours of sleep to work at optimum performance. 20% of that 8 hours should be taken by REM Sleep, a stage characterized by the rapid movements of the eye, hence the name REM which stands for Rapid Eye Movement. I'll save you from all the scientific mumbo jumbo, YOU need REM, therefore without REM you will die No REM for at most 1 and a half consective weeks will most likely put you to sleep forever. I guarantee that it will probably be the most terrible way to die.

Since cramming involves tedious tasks and sleepless nights it will take a lot out of you. You wont be very much healthy(or alive) after the deed is done. Take note of the following tips on how to get sleep during cramming.

1. Sleep anytime you can't cram. Sleep during the ride to school, sleep during Religion class or history class. If you have a fairly unsignificant test, don't study anymore, just sleep, Ang exam hinde inaaral, SINASAGUTAN!

2. Sit on a high back chair while doing your work. During long nights a high back chair may aid you to get a quick escape from all your cramming via the process of sleeping. Yes you will need to catch a few Z's in order to proceed. A high back chair will let you sleep but it will also ensure that you don't sleep for a long time. A quick Z is all you need to stay alive.

Cramming Exercises

The following are things you can do to keep your spirits alive during cramming. I guarantee that these exercises are easy, quick and effective.

1. Wash your face - When you feel like dozing off, get off that chair and run to the bathroom. Turn the cold water on and wash your face. If you have soap or facial wash apply them too. Washing your face is a quick way of freshening up. This will take care of that melting feeling you get when you're sleeping.

2. Strech your legs - Sitting for a long time makes you feel uncomfortable, and combine that with the emotional stress and brain fatigue. Its really something you can't bare. So I suggest every now and then get off the chair, and start walking around.

3. DONT LIE DOWN ON YOUR BED - Resting via the use of your bed should be a NO NO in cramming. You will most likely sleep, and when you get into DEEP SLEEP, say goodbye to your project.

Cramming Grub

Sometimes you can't really do things on your own, it never hurts to get something to eat or drink to get you going. I will show you items that have been tried and tested by yours truly and other very reliable sources. Of course there is no miracle "stay awake" drink, NOTHING WILL COMPLETELY SAVE YOU FROM BRAIN DRAIN. There are however countless things that might help.

Drinks
1. BAWLS - Bawls is a guarana softdrink and is the favorite drink of gamers and programmers. It contains about 3 times more caffeine than coffee. Its supposed to taste like guarana, I have no idea what guarana tastes like but my sources say its pretty much ok. Problem is, it isnt locally available so if you have someone that can hook you up with some bottles for cramming. It will surely help.

2. Extra Joss - Extra Joss is an instant energy drink, you will need water to dissolve this in. Of course the solvent may not neccesarily be water, you can try mixing this in Bawls or coffee if you want to. Anyways with water, its pretty much ok, it takes away some fatigue but it wont completely save you from dozing off, especially when you are very tired. It tastes like citrus, like mountain dew only tangy-er

3. Bacchus - This is a ginseng energy drink, it tastes terrible but I have found this to give me more energy than Extra Joss. I suggest you drink this cold so that you can easily chug the whole can down.

4. Lipovitan - This is probably one of the oldest energy drinks out there. It will still get you going and the taste is kinda ok. But I really found Bacchus better.

5. I-On - I-On is probably the worst, it tastes like crap and it doesnt do good very much. Its like gatorade only that it tastes crappier.

6. Coffee - Coffee still works, I have used this to keep me up in making 2 of my programming projects. If it doesnt have an effect on you too much, try not putting cream or doubling the shots. I found that Americano is the strongest one of the hot-coffee bunch.

If you dont have access to those coffee places, try using instant, nescafe gold is the best instant coffeee i've tried. But you could never do with just one cup. I must've drank myself 4-5 mugs of Nescafe Gold just to stay alive through the night.

Food
1. Chocolates/Candies - Chocolates and candies are nice, they will give you a sugar boost. And their handy too, you can just leave a pack or a bar beside your workplace. no preparation needed!

2. Fruits - Different people prefer different kinds of fruits as their cramming grub. I know someone who eats about 3 Fuji apples for the night. Mangoes, blended and sweetened is another preference. A friend really likes to cram with bananas and peanut butter, its because peanut butter makes him thirsty and he can never sleep when hes thirsty

3. Carbs - Im talking getting stuffed with rice or pasta. Its called carbo-loading but this isnt actually done during cramming, its usually done hours before or something. It will make you resist more fatigue.

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Cramming is NEVER EASY, this guide might help you but I doubt it will still be easy. One way to make things easier is by all means try to AVOID CRAMMING.

But if it is inevitable, I hope this guide helps you!

If not, remember these words: "There's always next term"